Making not a single interesting move in the offseason, and having their General Manager, Ray Farmer, suspended for the first four games of the regular season (what does that even mean?), the Browns really haven't achieved that spike of optimism we typically hear about every offseason. In fact, having both of their 2014 first round draft picks spend most of the offseason in rehab or counseling, the falsely inflated hopes for a good season appear to be at an all-time low. Maybe we'll be pleasantly surprised; and maybe people will remember that the Browns actually did change their uniforms and logos this year.
Here are some things to watch for in tonights game versus the Washington Politically Incorrects (formerly, Redskins):
- Will Johnny Manziel show up to the game on time?
- Who is Josh McCown?
- Is it true that the Browns forgot to fill the position of running back?
- Who should I draft in the first round of my fantasy league?
- Is Danny Shelton human or man-beast?
- Will the defense remember they are supposed to tackle the guy with the ball?
- How many times will we hear the name Josh Gordon?
I don't know about you, but I'm pumped. This is as exciting as when... Zzzzz.
Quick Quiz: Is the Brown's logo at the top this year's or last year's logo?
Answer: Who cares?
Quick Quiz: Is the Brown's logo at the top this year's or last year's logo?
Answer: Who cares?
Oakland (for now) Raiders
At this point, someone probably thinks this post is just a joke highlighting two of the worst teams in football. They're right, but these are also the two teams I've chosen to waste four+ months of my life every year rooting for. Now on to the Raiders, who's first preseason game is tomorrow night against the St. Louis (for now) Rams. In their meeting last year, the Raiders put on a clinic of sheer ineptitude, losing 52-0.
While the Browns have question marks in every position on the field outside of the offensive line, the Raiders at least have a few things figured out. Derek Carr will be the starting quarterback - and if all goes well, people will soon know him as something other than David Carr's brother. Amari Cooper will be the starting number one receiver. Kalif Barnes will be #69. Janikowski will be fat.
Once again, the Raiders will be starting the year with a new head coach, this time it is actually someone with previous head coaching experience, Jack Del Rio. In Del Rio's previous head coaching gig with the Jacksonville Jaguars... nevermind. I'm sure he'll be great.
The other big story this year for the Raiders, and funny enough for the Rams as well, is a possible looming move back to Los Angeles. In fact, depending on how things turn out, Los Angeles could come away with three total teams after this year, up from none. In a proposed plan, the Chargers will be building a stadium that would be shared with the Raiders in Carson. The Rams would build a separate stadium about 15 minutes away, in Inglewood. To be honest, I didn't realize Los Angeles had so much real estate available for stadium development.
Aside from the confusion of references to the Los Angeles Raiders and Los Angeles Rams, with some Los Angeles Chargers thrown in for good measure, here are some other things to watch for in the Raider's game tomorrow night:
- How many players will receive offsides penalties while simultaneously incurring excessive celebration penalties?
- How many times will we hear "false start, number 69"?
- Did they really just say "Trent Richardson"?
- Can anyone on the team play cornerback?
- Who should I draft in the first round of my fantasy league?
- How long will it take Jack Del Rio to regret leaving the Broncos? (whom they play in weeks 5 and 14, by the way)
Though it seems hard to imagine, the Raiders may at least be moving in the right direction finally.
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